I fear for my parents’ safety because of a virus, although perhaps not the one you’re thinking of. I’m talking about the hate crimes being committed against Asian people at an alarming rate over the past year. According to Stop AAPI Hate, a website that tracks the violence, against Asian Americans, there were over 2,800 reported cases of racism and discrimination between March 19 and Dec. 31 of last year.

Although I was born in South Korea, I lived most of my life in the States from age 3 and onward. Since then I’ve spent so much of my time here trying to convince everyone, including myself, that I am indeed American. It is an isolating and lonely existence, one that is specific to the Asian American experience.

We are TIRED of our pain being overlooked #StopAsianHate. Basketball star Jeremy Lin speaks on the rise of hate speech and racist attacks against Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders.

It’s interesting the way your brain is wired. It protects you from certain memories—things you hadn’t thought about for quite some time. Until there is a trigger, a forcing mechanism that makes you relive those forgotten moments. A few months back, while stay-at-home orders still loomed over the city, I was heading home with my 9-month-old daughter from her latest doctor’s appointment. Out of nowhere, a man jumped in front of us, screaming “Kung Flu!” in my face and getting too close for comfort (in pre-pandemic and pandemic times). I froze. My heart began to beat rapidly, as I swiveled the stroller away from him.

I’ve been pretty MIA for weeks because I’m simply exhausted. There has been so much pain in the Asian American community, and a severe lack of understanding / context / vocabulary in mainstream media & discourse to address it adequately. To be asked repeatedly by white folx to “analyze” what’s happening for their white audiences is not only gut-wrenching, it also turns our trauma & pain into a spectacle (see: “Commodification of Trauma” highlight; yes I know I reference Clarence & no I do not condone his behavior).